Logical thinking is what ensured the survival of the human species for all these years but, of late I have come to think that our logic may not be as effective as one might think it is. After some serious thought(and a few weeks spent watching Indian movies and talking with the general public), I have started to think that the logic we Indians follow may not be the same that other people in the world follow. So I've decided to take this opportunity to create a terminology. Behold! ’The Indian Logic’
The 6 o’clock terminal: Anyone who grows up in a traditional Indian household will know this to be a fact. The belief is that social atrocities only happen after 6 o'clock in the evening. This is when all the deranged night-crawlers come out to plunder, rape and kidnap the innocent and the juvenile. The clock striking 6 signals all the female population to flock back to their houses dropping anything they might be doing at that moment and staying under lock down till the first rays of sunshine hit the earth. Because remember, evil happens only after 6 pm in the evening.
10th and 12th STD kids have to be put through emotional trauma to score well in their Boards: These two years of schooling are THE most important years in an individual’s life, or at least that’s what they say. Forget the first time you spoke or the first time you walked on your own or that one time when you saved someone’s life- all that’s immaterial. The Indian logic demands the child to be put through social isolation (this often happens when the child stays back home while the others go out for weddings, family outings and such other things where the parents would explain the child’s absence by saying “He’s in 10th, no. That’s why he didn't come.” To which the person who is a part of the conversation would nod understandingly), protracted periods of recreation deprivation and absolutely no breathing space. It can also be extended to instances where the television is disconnected, the computer is dismantled and story books are banned till the end of the final exams.
Let the world know the name of the kids who travel by the car to ensure that kidnappers and stalkers don’t have a tough time doing their thing: Those who have been stuck in countless hours of prime time traffic in the city with your vehicle literally an inch away from the one in the front would be too familiar with this- names in stylized fonts that adorn the rear glass panel of the car. Sometimes, people feel the itching need to publicize their religious inclinations also, which is often manifested as slogans plastered all over the rear glass panel.
Love ‘happens’ only in co-educational institutions and schools: According to us Indians, love propagates only in places where both the sexes have to be in the company of each other. If someone goes to a college for men or a women’s college, there is absolutely no chance of them ever meeting a member of the opposite sex, hence no sparks of love will ever be afloat. I feel inclined to quote a teacher of mine here, "...Why do you think your parents put you in a women's college? Co-education institutions is where the danger occurs..." Seriously? SERIOUSLY?!
Going out invariably calls for an unannounced exhibition of all the gold jewelry you own: Be it a wedding, a PTA, a shopping spree or a funeral, one has to deck up. You have to show the expensive jewelry you own to your significant others, random strangers and plotting thieves. C’mon, lady! Don’t go crying around to the police when you come home one day to find it a mess of broken windows or picked locks and cupboards.
Marriage: Till death do us part. No kidding. : Is your spouse is an alcoholic? Is your spouse is an addict? Is your spouse physically, psychologically and verbally abusing you? Is your spouse not showing you a shred of respect? Is your spouse treating you like shite? All these questions are similar in the sense that they all have the same, singular answer: Learn to adjust and live till one of you dies. Really, divorce is really not an option once you enter an Indian marriage, and even if one DOES get a divorce they are forever branded a pariah who doesn't know how to live and is hence excluded from every social gathering in society.
The more food you force down your guests’ throat, the better host you are: This one is pretty self explanatory. We've all experienced this at some point in time or the other.
The more disrespectfully you push, pull or dash against fellow boarders on a bus or a train, the better your chances of getting a spot: No point explaining this.
Psychology courses train students to become crazy, psychotic individuals who will eventually kill themselves because they thought just too much about the world: Or this.
People study Literature only when they don’t get into other ‘important’ courses: Hmm.
The Rape riddle:
- Girl gets raped because she was out after 6 pm, not because the people who raped her were vile animals.
- Girl gets raped because she was wearing ‘provocative’ clothes, which loosely translates to ‘western’ in our context(At this point, I am compelled to point this out: Isn't a saree more revealing than a shirt and jeans? ).
- Girl gets raped because she is a girl.
- Girl gets raped because her parents didn't raise her right.
Engineering and medicine are the only two things that fetch money: Any other course is just a wasteful charade that trains people to become paupers who barely make a living.
Marriage: The medically unproven miracle cure: If a man or a woman is a little loony, marry them off. They will miraculously be cured of their mental condition once they enter the sacred covenant of marriage.
Kids, yet another magic cure: Along similar lines, if a marriage is not working out, have kids. And, viola! The constantly wailing and pooping bundles of joy will erase all your problems away.
The cause of every problem is the government: Someone got murdered? Someone got robbed? Someone broke the law? You don’t have electricity for 10 hours a day(Okay, maybe this one IS the government’s fault)? Your neighbor is an idiot? You lost your right sock? You don’t have enough water?It’s the government’s fault. It’s the government that voted for itself(or DIDN'T vote for itself). It’s the government that so apathetically sits around all day ignoring all the evils that occur. It’s the government that discriminates, hates and divides. It’s never the common man. The common man is just a helpless toy in the hands of The Government that is forced to break the law, take bribes and vote and is forced to thrive on chaos and lawlessness.
It’s only apt that I quote H. L Goodall, Jr. here “If our leader say one thing and do quite another, well, is it any surprise that we use the excuse of their fault to cover up our own?”
Think about it.
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