Okay, I get it!

Reading the title of this post you’re probably going to think that this is one of those long, boring rants about how unfair life is or how annoying people are. Well, I hate to break it to you, but you are half right. This IS a long boring rant, but it’s not about how inexplicably and irrevocably unfair life is. It’s a long and possibly boring (I’ll let you be the judge of that) rant about the annoying things people do on Facebook.

Now you may ask, why Facebook? Why not people from your real life? Well, I’m sorry to break this to you but, Facebook IS my life. Really. I’m serious. As serious as a subdural hematoma(Whatever that means. The name is long for one thing and awfully difficult to spell so it’s safe to assume it is a matter of a serious nature).

 

So, it’s just another day, the sun is shining with merciless fervor, the wind had decided to take an unfortunate sabbatical just as the government decided to take away our electricity supply. Just another day in our country. I pull out my phone and log into my Facebook account and what do I see?

I’ll tell you what I see: I see certain idiots (pun intended). Now some of you may want to know more about what I see, if you fall under that category keep reading. If not, this is your cue to scroll up and close the tab in your window.

Okay, seeing that you've not stopped reading this, I’m going to go right ahead and rant like I have never ranted before.

But, before that I would like to state the point I am trying to make here:  People use the internet to promote a cause or publicize their talents and/or business ventures. It is a great medium to gain public attention, for example, amateur/ professional photographers almost always make use of it. But, these days Facebook has morphed into a platform that exhibitionists employ to ostentate and feel good about themselves.

Yeah, so I open my account and the first thing I see is an entire album of photos that feature exotic cars and bikes(I’m assuming they are exotic because I know for a fact that these cars are ridicules expensive for no particular and acceptable reason). Photos with guys wearing shades and posing in front of them, leaning 'sexily' against the hood with this weird contorted look that is supposed to pass for a smolder. I keep scrolling: more cars, more guys, more shades, more expressive gazes, and more coolness that they just lost.

C’mon, guys! So you have one of those exorbitantly priced cars, that doesn’t mean you have to show it off to the entire world.  Honestly, it’s just retarded and your grandiosity comes across as sleaze.Wait, I just scrolled down, you have two, huh? Mmh. Wait, think I saw another one: three. Okay, I’m impressed. Whoa whoa! Hold on, four?!(At this point I’m just thinking about all the fossil fuel you are singularly consuming.)

If this is not annoying enough, there are those people who feel the need post pictures of everything single thing they eat. So you’re eating lasagna or double caramel turtle cake , I get it. You eat fancy food, but that doesn’t mean you have to announce it to the whole world that you ARE eating fancy food. I don’t need to know where you are eating, whose company you are in and when you ate what you ate. One more thing I really don’t need to see are photos of gnawed on chicken bones, ripped ketchup packets and used scrunched tissue. I’m not sure if you’ve ever been told this, but those things are unsightly and definitely not worthy of being posted on the internet.

Photos of money. This is usually money that was earned for the first time or prize money. I even found pictures of someone fanning out the notes for fun! Unless you are a high functioning vigilante with an elevated sense of morality who is trying to lure in robbers to put them to justice, you are not excused.

There are also those degenerates who post photos of all the cameras they own. What reason could one possibly have for posting photos of lens and cameras? Why post those pictures at all when you can post pictures of a crimson sunset or a flock of birds in the twilit sky? Here’s Photography 101 for those who have a severe inability in understanding how the world of talent works: What camera you own and how many lenses you own is not the deciding factor when it comes to good photography.

I’ve also come to notice that we live in a world where selfies and public displays of affection rule. Simply loving and caring for a person is old school, these days you have to SHOW other people that you love and care for a person. It’s becoming so ridiculously mindless that siblings post chores and music suggestion on each other’s Facebook walls! Because going into the other room to ask your brother to listen to a song is just exhausting work. It's too much for the human body to handle. 

There is also this one thing that boggles my mind. It’s your brother’s birthday, why not just hug him and wish him when you see him at home like a normal person? Instead you POST this elaborate maudlin message on his wall with a collage of pictures of you two together. Why don’t you just SAY those maudlin things to him like a normal person does? Honestly, it is so sad when people do it. Really.

Finally, the most outrageous thing that people do of Facebook that just drives me crazy is revealing movie plot points. Just because you watched a movie or a TV show as soon as it came out doesn't mean that you have the moral obligation to reveal important plot points to the dozens of people who haven’t yet watched it. I don't want to know what happens in the new episode of Game of Thrones or The Walking Dead. It’s inconsiderate and sadistic and makes me mad!

So mad that I have to write about it.