I have always wondered where people would place me on the scale of
niceness. Taking everyone's opinion into consideration, I stand at
opposite ends of the spectrum almost all the time. Some of them tell me I
am nice while some think that I am downright nasty and pretentious.
But as far as I can remember, I made it a point to be nice to people as much as I can for the recent couple of years now. It remained a mystery to me until recently as to why I tried my best to be nice. It's a mystery no more and I made the realization eventually: I had this uncontrollable need to please people.
I did everything I could to appear nice, and would do things even if they were beyond my means to get someone to feel satisfied; it gratified me to see other people around feel good. This would be the only explanations as to why I handed in my assignments and homework on time, I would let people make decisions when in a group and have it their way fearing that contradiction from my side would get them to hate me. Hate me so much that they would hold a life long grudge against me. At this one point in time, I even made sure that I pleased people who I didn't like, people who didn't like me and strangers even!
I simply couldn't repress my need to impress. But then it changed, I changed. I was no longer the person who'd have the desire to impress people. It took time but it happened and I can see it now. This change can not be confined to just this phase of my life alone.
Till I was 15, I was silent and reserved, I preferred not talking to people because I didn't particularly enjoy it and liked keeping my opinions and thoughts to myself. I kept them buried deep within my mind; shielding them from criticism and possible censure. I stuck to my own circle of friends, talking to other people only when I absolutely needed to.
When in the company of others, I preferred to shut up. I liked to listen to other people talk, acting as an oblivious fly on the wall that would go unnoticed. I liked it that way, I didn't have anything to worry about. As the clock ticked away this slowly vanished too- I started initiating conversations and my conversational skills have certainly gotten better.
I was no more a fly on the wall, I had evolved into something noticeable, say, a butterfly or probably something less striking; like a moth. I was no longer in that fear and apathy coated cocoon that seemed to curb my every venture, tightly wrapping every possible fibre of adventure I'd have.
Time is always working on things and people- just as it had worked on me- making them better, sometimes giving hardships but things always change. I have realized that life is almost full of change and the only thing that doesn't change is the occurrence of change itself. In other words, change will change eventually. Change is the ever present milestone down every road that you might take that sometime showers us with misfortune and sometimes lets a little sweet serendipity and luck cascade on us.
Time truly is a miracle worker.
But as far as I can remember, I made it a point to be nice to people as much as I can for the recent couple of years now. It remained a mystery to me until recently as to why I tried my best to be nice. It's a mystery no more and I made the realization eventually: I had this uncontrollable need to please people.
I did everything I could to appear nice, and would do things even if they were beyond my means to get someone to feel satisfied; it gratified me to see other people around feel good. This would be the only explanations as to why I handed in my assignments and homework on time, I would let people make decisions when in a group and have it their way fearing that contradiction from my side would get them to hate me. Hate me so much that they would hold a life long grudge against me. At this one point in time, I even made sure that I pleased people who I didn't like, people who didn't like me and strangers even!
I simply couldn't repress my need to impress. But then it changed, I changed. I was no longer the person who'd have the desire to impress people. It took time but it happened and I can see it now. This change can not be confined to just this phase of my life alone.
Till I was 15, I was silent and reserved, I preferred not talking to people because I didn't particularly enjoy it and liked keeping my opinions and thoughts to myself. I kept them buried deep within my mind; shielding them from criticism and possible censure. I stuck to my own circle of friends, talking to other people only when I absolutely needed to.
When in the company of others, I preferred to shut up. I liked to listen to other people talk, acting as an oblivious fly on the wall that would go unnoticed. I liked it that way, I didn't have anything to worry about. As the clock ticked away this slowly vanished too- I started initiating conversations and my conversational skills have certainly gotten better.
I was no more a fly on the wall, I had evolved into something noticeable, say, a butterfly or probably something less striking; like a moth. I was no longer in that fear and apathy coated cocoon that seemed to curb my every venture, tightly wrapping every possible fibre of adventure I'd have.
Time is always working on things and people- just as it had worked on me- making them better, sometimes giving hardships but things always change. I have realized that life is almost full of change and the only thing that doesn't change is the occurrence of change itself. In other words, change will change eventually. Change is the ever present milestone down every road that you might take that sometime showers us with misfortune and sometimes lets a little sweet serendipity and luck cascade on us.
Time truly is a miracle worker.
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